A Brave New World

I believe I'm old enough to not give a damn what people say or think. I no longer have a husband to comment, diss or criticise me.

My daughter has left home and is miles away, she couldn't care less what her mum gets up to.

My son sneered at me and said, 'oh god no Mum you haven't.....!', when I told him what I had done. But that's fine... then he said, ' So this is a symbol of your new life, that you can do anything and you are staring over, an act of rebellion and courage, cos you can...!'and  we both laughed. I am always surprised at the depth of his quick thinking.

My fella just said 'OMG you've actually done it, send me a pic !'

My girlfriends are a mixed bag of,  'You go girl, it looks amazing, l've shown everyone in the pub!!'
to, ' OH Alice!' , the smell of disdain wafting down the phone and another pal  just hasn't responded! The  silence speaks volumes.

Admittedly, it rankles a little that my 17yr old son sneered and jeered a tad....but an hour later he asked if I wanted to watch a dvd with him...so all is good there, (and of course he will want £££ for this and that, which is always a come back to Mum moment!)

But  the people I am most agitated about today, 24 hours later are my Mum and Dad!! They won't approve, I know. Just in the same way I didn't when my daughter had her first little one, then a humongous second one.....because I feel that they are a part of me still, an physical extension of my flesh and bone and I want them to retain that perfect purity I created and nurtured.

50 odd years later my folks may also feel this.... and so I  am still scared of my Mum and Dad and l can't bring myself to phone and tell them, cos I will hear that sigh of disappointment that I heard so many times in my teens and since, which I have often heard leaving my own mouth when my daughter and son expected anger from me, and instead a wave of nausea, fear, hurt washed over and left me clammy and bereft.

I thought well I don't need to tell them, they'd never know. But my life is no longer about secrets, feuds and discontentment.

Is it just me or do we all feel this way too.
                                                                        Once a child always a child eh?

hopeOh and yes you've probably guessed it. Yesterday I had a tattoo..

Alice x