Sunday, 25 September 2011

a strange day

When we plan, plot, support and hope for our children, whilst still at school intending to go on to university, it is a moment long into the future.

A rite of passage for them. For parents too.

Buying things together for their room in halls, Stationary. New duvet and cover. posters, prints. Books, More books.

Anticipation. Nerves. Tears.

Loading up the car. Will it all fit. Two trips perhaps?

Excitement. trepidation.

Today my daughter and first born, woke with mixed emotions. Today was the day.

I loaded the car. Packed to the rafters. My tummy flipped. Told myself to get a grip. Lit a fag. Rolled down the window. Choked back a tear. Turned of the radio. Silence. Just my exhaling.

I arrived at my destination. Unpacked the car. Parked up. Walked into the hall and began to set up my stall.

 Every moment that passed, every second, whilst I busied myself with my procrastinations; I was aware my daughter would shortly be arriving at University of Leeds Trinity and would be unpacking the car with her father, 89  miles away. I had planned and plotted for her, but I was not a party to her plans this past year.

Never take these moments for granted. They aren't a given. We have had many shared moments together. I should be grateful. I wanted to be there.

I spoke to her this evening and she seems happy enough. Homesick already, as the reality sinks in she won't be home  (hers not mine) again until December. Reality bites.

For me it bites hard. People ask me why I stayed so long. I say because I didn't want to miss a thing.

What next the graduation? Will I be asked? It's not a given. Time will tell.

This time next year it will be my son's turn to leave for Uni.

Take nothing for granted.


  1. You have done your job by the time you deposit them at school. This is life and you can let go a bit. Allow yourself to enjoy the fact they are grown and moving. Healthy :).

  2. Milk and three sugars this morning please. Alice. I need waking up. I have been through a similar situation years ago and discovered the end result is you can look back with great enjoyment on the bits you were involved in and forget about the bits that you were omitted from. A bit like having an operation and forgetting the waking-up pain in the joy, months afterwards of a successful solution to one's ills. No graduation ceremonies for me, but what the heck, there were lots of other things to enjoy together and look back on with a happy heart. And they both gave me photos of themselves in their gowns.

  3. The day after we left our youngest son at his Uni lodgings we received a letter from him. It started

    "It's been half an hour since you left me here and I'm so missing you.....


  4. Its not easy but you can do it, you've done so many much harder things and maybe she'll grow up enough to realize how selfish she is being and let you share more of her life ...

  5. That comment made me feel quite sad, especially about your daughter. No, we must never take anything or anyone for granted. However, remember that situations do change all the time.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

  6. Wise words Saz, I am aware of it all the time as mine are not always with me now. The reason I stayed, perhaps should have stayed longer...

    I'm glad you two are now talking at least.

  7. So sorry Alice. That makes my heart hurt for you. I hope in time the tide will change and things will improve between you and your daughter.

  8. What Daryl and the Bold Suburbia said - At least you ae talking and not shut out altogether - This is her and not you, here, Alice - Don't beat yourself up about it, please? xxx


Hey! thanks for joining me here,
as I gaze in awe and wonder and dwell in possibility...

I have tea, gin and wine and a very comfy armchair..

Alice x