...and closer...this time next Wednesday I will be a single girl. Unmarried. Divorced.
When I received word that my divorce had been granted (on my terms) I was ecstatic, beside myself. It felt like a validation, someone believed me and agreed with my words and feelings.
And yet..the last couple of days have brought feelings of ambivalence and then some sadness, which is to be expected, but frankly I don't like it. It's too near the flat empty place I lived within for so long. I refuse to drown myself in such dampness and hopelessness.
After collecting my decree absolute, freshly stamped and with the ink of the Judge's signature still wet; I will be gathering with my friends. Those who helped me and encouraged me when I needed and when I didn't; those who sat quietly when I needed and who shouted at me when they believed I needed. Some of you are not able to be here in person, so I will raise my glass and think of you often.
I shall not dwell in sadness. I shall keep a torn corner of it and reflect upon it's making from time to time, with renewed perspective and lust for the adventures yet to happen...
I dwell in possibility....
Tough times... I hope that this step whilst it may have some negativity around it in the now will be a positive step once your are through it and will help the forward moves...
ReplyDeleteGood luck
I shall raise a glass to you on the other side of an ocean, my darling - You are brave and beautiful and this is a celebration of all that you are, all that you have been and all that you are still to become.
ReplyDeleteI love you and wish you well on this monumental day to come. I am sorry I cannot be there.
Sending you love and lots of hugs to collect later in person - Be strong and I recommend moderate amounts of gin!
Cxxxxxxxxxxxx
I am going to be lifting my own glass here and toasting your new beginnings! L'Chaim!
ReplyDeleteIts bound to be a very traumatic time, I should imagine, filled with highs & lows.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure the pluses will far out weigh the minuses, given time.
Heres to new beginnings!
Maggie X
Nuts in May
xxx
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking of you and cheering you on.
ReplyDeletejj
Divorce and the emotions that accompany it can be a really tricky thing at times. I've been divorced, a "free" woman, a bit (or at times, a lot) crazy, wild, reckless, often broke, sometimes very lonely, also very independent too. Each of those things brings about with it a different feeling too -running the gamut from angry to happy to slightly sad to incredibly guilt-ridden sadness as well. However, I knew from the beginning it was something that was for the best -for him and for me. Not necessarily always for the kids, but over the long haul, yes it was even better for my kids as much as it was for me, for their Dad too. It's something though that we all have to deal with those emotions from time to time as even if the marriage was the absolute worst imaginable, there are still bound to be little flashes here and there of "what did I do wrong" or "gee, I miss this or that" or some other little nice memory that remains from what hopefully had begun on a positive note for someone that at least we thought we loved at the beginning. Don't worry if you do have a few sentimental times and feelings. I think it would be abnormal if you didn't. Just go with the flow and things will all equalize, even out, ya know.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck. Am aware that even though more than half of all marriages end in divorce,that doesn't make it any easier for the parties involved. Each person's divorce is unique. As Tolstoy said, all unhappy marriages are unhappy in a different way. I hope you gain strength and move on to a better life. I hope you meet someone wonderful, if that is what you want.
ReplyDeleteLeft a comment elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteGood to at last get a chance to visit you here :-)
Glad to be here for the new chapter in your life. Thanks for stopping by my place!
ReplyDelete